Why I Trust My Worms More Than Most People

whether they are your natives or worm farm, these guys never miss a beat!

(A Soil-Deep Dive into Loyalty, Reliability, and Unquestionable Work Ethic)

Let’s be honest—humans can be flaky. They ghost, they procrastinate, they forget to text back. But you know who never lets me down? My worms. My wiggly, squiggly, underground workforce. When it comes to reliability, these little compost champions put humans to shame.

Here’s why I trust my worms more than most people:

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1. They Show Up to Work Every Day

Rain or shine, my worms are on it. No sick days, no “I need to find myself” soul-searching sabbaticals—just consistent, devoted composting. Unlike humans, they don’t call in with a mysterious “stomach bug” after a big night out. Nope, worms are the blue-collar heroes of soil health, putting in the work 24/7, 365 days a year.

Meanwhile, humans? Unpredictable at best. Try organizing a group project, and suddenly everyone has “something that just came up.”

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2. No Drama, Just Decomposition

Worms don’t gossip. They don’t hold grudges. They don’t send passive-aggressive texts about how they’re “fine” (but actually aren’t). They just eat, poop, and make the soil better. Simple.

People, on the other hand? Drama machines. One minute they’re fine, the next minute they’re subtweeting about you, and before you know it, they’re having a full-blown existential crisis in the group chat. I’ll take my emotionally stable worms, thanks.

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3. They Actually Clean Up After Themselves

Worms take waste and turn it into literal gold (well, black gold—aka worm castings). They process everything efficiently, leaving behind the most nutrient-rich, garden-loving fertilizer money can’t buy.

Humans? We’re walking landfills. We waste food, throw away plastic like it’s going out of style, and act shocked when the planet starts fighting back. If humans composted even half as efficiently as worms, the world would be a much healthier place.

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4. They Don’t Lie

Worms are transparent in their work ethic. No exaggeration, no deceit—just organic matter in, compost out. They don’t fluff their résumés, pretend to be interested in your weekend plans, or say “let’s hang out soon” with zero intention of following through. They are honest creatures, committed to their craft.

People? Well, let’s just say “I read the terms and conditions” is the biggest lie of the 21st century.

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5. They Work as a Team

Ever seen a worm union strike? Didn’t think so. Worms collaborate seamlessly, aerating the soil, processing organic matter, and generally improving their environment without ego or hierarchy.

Meanwhile, I’ve seen people nearly come to blows over who gets the last slice of pizza.

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6. They’re Self-Sufficient

Worms don’t need external motivation. No performance reviews, no gold stars, no motivational TED Talks. They just dothe work because that’s what they were born to do.

Humans? We need a five-step productivity system, a bullet journal, and a morning routine involving lemon water and 17 affirmations just to send an email.

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7. They’re Quiet, But Their Actions Speak Volumes

You’ll never hear a worm complaining. No whining, no unnecessary noise—just silent, steady progress.

People? Loud. Very loud. And somehow, the louder they are, the less they actually do.

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8. They Improve Everything They Touch

Worms turn lifeless, compacted soil into a thriving ecosystem. They don’t just take—they give. They regenerate the land, build fertility, and boost plant growth.

Meanwhile, humans… well, let’s just say we’re better at depleting resources than replenishing them.

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Worms > People

In the grand hierarchy of trustworthiness, my worms rank far above most humans. They are dependable, productive, and contribute positively to the world around them. They don’t demand recognition. They don’t bail last minute. They don’t let me down.

If everyone acted a little more like worms, we’d probably have a healthier planet—and a whole lot less stress.

Beccalynne.

NOTE: this is pure satire. Please don’t come at me about this.